


The Things We Used To Share

by Ellienerd14



Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Sad times oops, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 15:36:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12891048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellienerd14/pseuds/Ellienerd14
Summary: 'You took my spyglassNo knowin' what lies ahead'Following his break up with April, Ram reflects on the past. An old ukulele is all that's left of her.





	The Things We Used To Share

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRxGelkA_Uo&t=187s  
> The Things We Used To Share is by Thomas Saunders, who's apparently a classmate. Also incredibly talented.

[ **_You can have the toaster_ ** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRxGelkA_Uo&t=187s)   
[ **_And the PC_ **](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRxGelkA_Uo&t=187s)   
[ **_Or even my Timothy Green DVD_ **](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRxGelkA_Uo&t=187s)

Ram sat down on the middle of the floor of his now empty flat. (There was no sofa anymore.) His now  _lonely_  flat.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. It was probably his imagination but he could swear it still smelt like her.

April always smelt like coffee. She worked at a tiny coffee shop tucked into a corner of London rarely explored by tourists. She didn't even drink coffee but every time she was lay next to him, Ram could smell it in her hair. April hated that - she always insisted on buying vanilla shampoo, not that it made a difference.

_"Hey expresso girl."_

_"Is that anyway to greet your girlfriend?"_

If April was here, Ram would be able to smell fresh ground coffee as if he was in the shop himself.

If she was here...

 **_I'll let you have the couch  
_ ** **_And the TV  
_ ** ****_Hang on to that jacket that you bought for me_

They had broken up. It was mostly Ram's own fault, which he regretted more than anything in the world.

The truth could be deadly in a relationship. It had been the final deadly blow for them both. It hadn't even been an ugly truth. Just one that she wasn't ready for. That he shouldn't have said. Not after only three months together.

_"I love you."_

It was stupid but Ram was stupid. Stupidly in  _love_.

Everything had moved fast. They lived together before they had been dating. Ram needed a roommate; April needed a roommate. They were friends. It made sense.

Ram liked her then. He hadn't thought that part through really. Because if they had broken up...

_"Ram, it isn't funny."_

_"I wasn't joking."_

They had broken up. A slip of the tongue. An early love confession. Now he was sat alone in a flat overlooking the 24 hour cafe where they'd had their first date at two in the morning, laughing at things that weren't funny.

Now he was left with nothing left to remain him of April. She took everything and left. She was crying the last time he saw her. And wearing make up - big black tears welled up before she turned to run down the stairs and away from him. That was the last image he had of her - a loop of her big, sad eyes meeting his and then her running away. 

 **_I don't really care_ **  
**_You can keep the things we used to share_ **

There was only one thing she had forgotten. An old ukulele. April had tried to teach him how to play once.

_"How are you struggling? This is the easiest instrument to play."_

_"What about the triangle?"_

_"I'm sure you'd struggle with that one too Ram. I think I'm the musical one here."_

_"Then play me a song."_

She must have left it by accident. It was special to her, Ram knew that. (Like he knew her favourite colour was blue and her favourite song was a folk one.)

Ram turned it over to the back. In black sharpie pen she had scribbled her initials.  _A. M._

April MacLean.

That was Ram's favourite name in the universe. Thinking about it - about her - made him smile. Or, at least, it used to.

_"How can you love me? It's been three months!"_

_"Does that make a difference? Matters of the heart don't have a time limit April. And you have mine."_

_"Maybe I don't want your heart!"_

There was a dent too, on the bottom left corner. She'd dropped it and hit the corner of the kitchen counter. Not April's finest moment.

It felt like life time ago since they were together.  _Happy_.

 **_But what did you do with my heart?_ **  
**_What did you do with my heart?_ **

His phone seemed to be taunting him. Ram picked it up - half full of hope yet dreading the conversation. He dialled April's number and waited as it beeped.

"The person you're calling is not available. Please leave a message."

He sighed and waited for the beep.

"Hey, April..."

What was there left to say?

_"I'm not expecting you to say it back. You can have time. We can make it work."_

_"What if I need a lot of time... what if I'm never ready?"_

_"Do you not care about me?"_

_"Don't word it like that. You make me feel evil."_

"I know I'm the last person you want to talk to. So, you might delete this message. You left your ukulele with me. Come get it whenever. Or I can pass it on to Charlie. Call me back. Or don't. I wouldn't blame you. Lo- bye."

 **_No more fireworks_ **  
**_No more compass_ **  
**_You didn't leave a single butterfly in my stomach_ **

Ram missed her optimism the most. She was always so happy, so loving. He would hang the stars for her, in the shape of a broken heart.

He knew a lot about broken hearts.

_"Do you think it's impossible to ever feel that way for me? Even for a second?"_

_"I don't want to talk about it."_

And so did she.

_"It could surprise you. I didn't expect it. I didn't ask for it. But I look at you and I think, she's the one. And I don't know why, but you are. And you don't feel the same back, do you?"_

_"Ram-"_

_"You'll never feel the same."_

_"Ram- Ram that's not true. Don't make it seem like I'm heartless!"_

Optimistic till the horrible, ugly, end.

He missed that.

 **_You took my spyglass_ **  
**_No knowin' what lies ahead_ **

April had stormed out - or escaped - in tears. They didn't speak about it again for a week but Ram knew it was the beginning of the end. He could feel April pulling away from him. 

He looked down at the little ukulele in his hand. The last piece of April he had left. 

_"Hey soul sister- stop laughing at me!"_

_"You're so cute with your little ukulele."_

Ram put it down and looked at  his phone. No message back from April. He put down his phone next to the instrument that held too many memories. 

 **_Took my warmth at night_ **  
**_But left a dent in my bed_ **

It still felt lonely to sleep without her. It was too quiet - all Ram could think about was the past and how much it hurt. 

_"We'll have to have this conversation. You can't avoid it."_

_"Ram- I'm sorry but I don't want to."_

Those three words were his biggest regret. 

Ram turned off the light and opened a window, listening to the sound of the outside. It was better than silence, then obsessing over the past. (Even if the past wasn't that long ago.) 

 **_I don't really care_ **  
**_You can keep the things we used to share_ **  
**_But what did you do with my heart?_ **  
**_What did you do with my heart?_ **

Ram was the one who picked the fight. He just wanted to clear the air of all the tension between them, so things could go back to normal again. If he knew how it would end... 

That it would end things with her forever. 

_"You don't have to say it back. I didn't expect you to. I didn't dare to think that... Listen, we have time."_

_"It's not just time."_

_"Tell me how you feel. Tell me the truth."_

**_You've stripped me of my pride  
_ ** **_That's for the best_ **

There was a missed call and text from April when Ram woke up and checked his phone. 

**April (dont call) left one (1) voice message**

**April (dont call) 8:10am  
I saw I missed a call from you yesterday. I know it's just about the uk... **

**Tanya 9:32am**  
**April said you called her... everything ok nerd?**

Ram saved the voice message for last. He opened his texts first. He sent a message to Tanya telling her yes he was okay and no he didn't want her being nosy. She replied with middle finger emoji. (It was her way of cheering him up, Ram suspected.) 

He clicked on April's full message. 

 **April (dont call) 8:10am** **  
I saw I missed a call from you yesterday. I know it's just about the ukulele but it was nice to hear your voice again. I'm not good at being broken up with you. Tan says you aren't doing too good either. I miss you. Call me. About my stuff.**

With a hopeful smile, Ram played her voice message. 

_"Hey, I can come round later. Um, it's good to hear from you Ram."_

He replayed it, savouring the last sentence. 

 **_But you've also deprived me of a full night's rest_ **  
**_So no more dreams_ **

Ram was restless as he paced around their- _his_ flat. April was at work (he still knew her time table). Waiting was hard. It reminded him of all the awkward silences before they broke up. 

_"I'm scared."_

_"Me too."_

_"We're not going to last; nothing good ever lasts. Not even you."_

_"It's not- don't- why?"_

_"I'm scared I'll never feel as strongly for you as you will for me."_

Ram had nothing to say. He still wasn't sure what to say, or how to say it. 

 **_Where we pull through_ **  
**_And I can't collect my thoughts_ **  
**_'Cause they're still with you_ **

Ram was startled by the door knocking. April had a key. Maybe she'd left that too. Or maybe they were just strangers now... strangers who held little pieces of each others heart. 

Ram looked in the mirror quickly, fluffing up his hair and he was wearing an old jumper he slept in. He didn't want to put too much effort in, in case April thought the wrong thing (whatever that was) but now he was regretting his lack of effort and general scruffiness. There was no time to change, so he sucked it up and opened the door. 

April smiled weakly at him and stepped inside. 

"Hi." 

Ram was staring. "Hi." 

The first time they met, he'd been looking for a roommate. He wondered if he'd still pick her, even if he knew how it would end. In tears. But, it hadn't ended. They were together again in the place where he'd first kissed her. The flat had been the heartbeat, the centre of their relationship for a long time. It was almost fate. 

Or maybe it was just an ukulele. 

 **_I don't really care_ **  
**_You can keep the things we used to share  
_ ** **_But what did you do with my heart?  
_ ** ****_What did you do with my heart?_

April hoovered awkwardly in the empty spot where their sofa had once been. She had taken it when she left and Ram had let her. He tried not to spend much time inside now it meant he would be alone. 

Ram sat down, leaning against the wall. She did the same. 

"I miss you," he said. She had said the same in her text. Ram could only hope that April meant it. 

"I miss you too. I miss us. Being away from you... I don't like it." April looked down at her feet. "I thought the painful part was over." 

"I don't think the painful part is ever over." Ram shifted closer to her. "I have spent all day worrying about this. But being together is easy." 

"But awkward," April muttered. 

"That's a given." 

"Yeah. I'm not used to not talking to you everyday. You went from being my best friend and my boyfriend to being a stranger in a whirlwind." She sighed. "I hate whirlwinds." 

 **_I wouldn't take it back_ **  
**_Even though I feel sore  
_ ** **_I meant it when I said  
_ ** ****_What's mine is yours_

"Imagine there's a rewind button. Would you press it?" 

April looked over, lip trembling. "You really think I'd take it back. No. Never. Even if... I can't say it. What you said. You mean the world to me. Even if the world has suffered an earthquake." 

"Earthquakes don't always knock everything down." 

April bit her lip. "It's not an earthquake. It's not something we can measure on a seismometer to assess the damage. It's not a puzzle or..." 

"What is it then?" Ram interrupted, frustrated. 

"A break up. Not so happily ever after." She stood up. "Where's my ukulele?"

 **_But I need to know_ **  
**_Now that we're apart_ **  
**_What did you do_ **

April looked down at the instrument in front of her. 

"This isn't the final time I'll hear from you, is it?" 

_"I'll hear back from you?"_

_"Yeah, of course. I need a roommate and you seem not-crazy."_

_"Same. See you around not-crazy Ram Singh."_

_"I'll call you."_

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "Can you play me a song? One last time?" 

"You make it sound so final. I hate goodbyes." 

April sat on the counter and started to play.  _"You can have the toaster..."_

 

**_I need to know_ **

**_Now that we're apart_ **

Ram applauded when she finished. April ducked her head and put it down. 

"You picked a break up song." 

"Yeah. Heartbreak does that to you," she replied. "Can I make a confession?" 

"Go ahead." 

She had the guilty look on her face. "I left the ukulele on purpose. I didn't trust you to keep in contact. Maybe it was a bad idea." 

"I'm glad you did. I think we needed to talk." Ram offered her a hand and pulled April off the counter. 

"Say goodbye like I won't need another excuse to talk to you," she whispered. 

"I'll see you around." 

"I'll see you around," she echoed. "Yeah, like the sound of that." 

**_What did you do with my heart?_ **

They hoovered by the door. 

"Have you ever seen 'How I Met Your Mother'?" April asked. 

"Yeah?" 

"Ted keeps falling for the wrong people. But he finds her in the end. The Mother. His soulmate. And it was so worth all the pain, he spent like ten seasons telling them the story. You'll find the right girl." 

"I wanted it to be you." 

April nodded and wiped her eyes. "Me too. So bad. But I'm your Robin, not your Tracy." 

"Don't they get together in the end?" 

"See you around Ram," April said, zipping up her jacket. 

"See you around."

He watched her walk down the stairs until she was out of sight. And then Ram said, out loud and just for his sanity: "I love you."

The words still tasted like poison.

 **_What did you do with my heart?  
_ ** **_What did you do with my heart?  
_ ** **_What did you do with my heart?  
_ ** ****_What did you do with my heart?_

**Author's Note:**

> So much angst! Sorry guys. I tried to make an ambiguous ending. 
> 
> Comments very much appreciated. Sometimes writing feels pointless so every time I get a notification that one of you made the effort to read it and leave me some feedback, it really helps! Thanks :)


End file.
